Flightless

Lots of people post reflections around the holiday time.  If you've been keeping up with my blog you'll note what I put up on my blog on Christmas day.

Insanity.

I've discovered that the holiday travels were all that was keeping my depression and fright at bay.  I feel like a flightless angel - one with a deformity.  Or a lack-of-formity.  At the moment, I feel like I have only one wing.  Like my feet are firmly stuck to the ground.  I'm sure I feel this way because I've crashed.  Because my other wing was broken off.  When?  I have no idea.  I just know it has happened.

Earth bound,

Feet on the ground,

Longing to fly,

Take me, sky:

One-winged Angel.

I feel so trapped.  I feel Life pressing in on all sides and smothering me like I never have before.  And I know that in several years I'll say the same and look back on today as cake...and I know that the Big Guy upstairs has all this figured out, but somehow it still doesn't take away with fear.  I'm scared.  And I can't just fly away and make it all better.  At least not yet.  And even then...it won't be all better.  Like Icarus, if I grew enough Wing to fly, the sun waits to burn me if I fly too high.

Some people call this being dramatic.  Just shut up and face life like a man, they say.  I disagree.  This is being Real.  Not enough people can just say how they feel without fear of reprimand or advice or smh-ing.  So this is me.  Telling you I'm afraid.  And not being afraid to do it.

Ironic.